Countdown to Kathi's 1st Ironman

The official count down to my first Ironman Race has begun. As of January 1st 2007, there were officially 175 days until the gun goes off for the start of “Ironman Coeur d’ Alene 2007” and as I look forward and think about the magnitude of this race a smorgasbord of emotion wells up inside of me.

All at the same time there are feelings of excitement, of fear, anxiety, and anticipation, overwhelm, and nausea, adrenalin, and the looming thought of “ what in the heck was I thinking?” all which have their own physiological effect on my mental, physical and spiritual being.

I have loved watching Ironman races, and even more I have loved and been extremely inspired by cheering for others in Ironman races. Even though every time I attend one there is a desire deep down inside me that wants soooooo bad to be in the race. I have taken much comfort, in being able to say that “my race” was in the future! For some crazy reason, it was all exciting when I was able to say that my race was next year, or the year after, that sounded fun, exciting, comforting and not scary. Somewhat I’m sure in the same way that it is exciting to think about having a baby, and even if you are able to get excited about being pregnant and the process that entails, at some point along the way you are faced with the realization that you actually have to go through the long, intense, grueling, painful process of labor to get the reward!

Never the less, I am now faced with the fact that my race now has a date on the calendar of my life, I have paid my money, I have told countless people and the countdown to race day has begun for me.

Right now I am loving my training, this week I actually ran in the rain, in the snow and the freezing cold, I did a 1 hour and 45 minute swim that kicked my butt, I rode my trainer at home and did a 2 1/2 hour spin class back to back, followed by 30 minute treadmill run, and I truly loved it all. This is my 3rd season of triathlon training and the enjoyment of it has caused me to recognize a major milestone for me, because I have realized that the training, is no longer the scary part for me. This is very different from my feelings from the last 2 years. I have worked through a myriad of issues and I have successfully figured out how to work all the training hours into my life and feel like I am at a level of fitness where when my coach sends me a training schedule, I no longer look at it and think “what the heck, is he trying to kill me or what?” Instead I look at it with a sense of confidence and say bring it on, I am ready, I can do this. Even when he orders some tough interval work or speed test I am excited step up to the plate and take it on. And feel very inspired when my data shows improvement from all my hard work.

“The dictionary is the only place that success comes before work. Hard work is the price we must pay for success.”

Today leaves me with 168 days until the starting gun goes off for the biggest race of my life so far, Ironman Coeur d’ Alene 2007! At this point I want to be an Ironman Finisher so bad! But if I am totally honest there is this tiny voice inside me, I will call it “the fear of failure” that taunts me in my weakest moments saying, “what if you fail Kathi? You have put this goal out there in a very public way and what if you fail?” And the thought that I choose to send back to this voice of fear is: “I am in such awe of those who have gone before me and have finished this race, so much so that for me to even have the possibility of being able to call myself an Ironman, is a risk that I am willing to take, and because I know that I will never be able to suppress my internal desire to experience this race for myself.

Risk: “You cannot discover new ocean’s…unless you have the courage to loose sight of the shore!”

So I am going “to do it”! However it is with mixed emotions that I say: “Ironman Coeur d’ Alene, bring it on"! Bottom line, know that I am scared to death and excited with every part of my being, all at the same time. I know that sounds conflicting or like an oxymoron, but I think in this instance for me it is fitting.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." --- Frank Herbert,